5 KEYS TO LEARNING TO RELAX
When you can’t relax, you will always feel anxious about everything there is for you to do!
I asked Alex, “Define relax for me?” He looked at me with this look of puzzlement and for a few moments just stared at me.
“I’m not sure what it means. It’s one of my great challenges in life. I find it very difficult to relax. It seems my mind is always working, and I can’t seem to turn it off.”
The more we talked the more he understood what his inability to relax did to him mentally, emotionally and physically. It made it hard for him to focus, many times it left him emotionally exhausted and for certain it kept him physically tired.
Alex is like so many people today who find it challenging to relax. Each day they find their self wrestling with all their life is handing them. The ability to relax is one of the ways you learn to control your stress level.
In working with human behavior I find most people don’t know how to unwind. You know this as well as I do, Wind anything tight enough and it will break!
Understanding how to relax is critical to your mental, emotional and physical health. Here are 5 Keys I have found that can help you learn to relax.
Key #1: Rest
If you aren’t rested, it will be exceeding challenging to relax. Your body needs rest. When you are sleeping, you are allowing your mind and your emotions to calm down. When you are sleeping, you are physically recharging. Getting enough “good” sleep is critical to you feeling relaxed!
Resting is more than just sleeping. It is finding an outlet where you can do some mindless action that allows you to get lost in the feeling of nothingness. It’s finding that space where you can turn the world off and just lose yourself in the moment. It could be reading a book, working in the yard, working at a hobby or just vegging out in front of the TV. It is simply a space and time where you step outside your world of stress and find that spot where life just “is.”
Relaxation demands you rest! Without rest you will always feel tired, anxious and overwhelmed.
Key #2: Exercise
For many people exercise is something they are going to do, not something they are doing. It is something they know will help them unwind, but there is so much to get done, they will get to it later.
Learn this lesson well — most of us spend our time collecting emotional clutter, rather than releasing it. Many of you have heard me talk about your “internal garbage can.” Each day we go through our day collecting emotional residue and depositing it in that internal garbage can. We’re too busy to empty it and so, at some point, it is FULL! When that happens, the lid is going to blow off. Anyone around you when it blows is going to feel the full force of every emotional item that was in that can.
One of the major ways to empty that internal garbage can is exercise. You can’t relax with your internal garbage can full. When it is full, you live on edge, little things become big things, it is challenging for you to rest, you never seem to be able to get caught up. All of these, plus many more, just keep filling your can, until there is no room left.
Exercise will calm you down. It is a way to mentally, emotionally and physically unwind, dump the can! When you are exercising, it is a form of release. You will let go of things that are nibbling at you.
Don’t forget that your body is smarting than you. It doesn’t want to collect; it wants to release to keep you from doing damage to yourself. You don’t have to kill yourself exercising; you just need to make it a priority and a consistent part of your life’s routine.
Relaxation requires you exercise to keep your internal garbage can from becoming a time bomb.
Key # 3: Laughter
We don’t laugh enough today! You can’t laugh without relaxing. It is humanly impossible. It has been said for years and the statement is correct, Laughter is food for the soul.
Watch people today, look at their faces, look at their eyes and you’ll see the tension that fills their life. The more their life is filled with “emotional stuff” the more uptight they become.
To relax, to unwind, to dump your inner can, you have to laugh. One person looked at me when I made this statement and said, “If you had my life, you would see there is nothing to laugh about.”
There is always humor in life! There is always something to smile about, to laugh about. Laughter is a way of exhaling all the stuffy air you have collected. Have you ever had a really good “belly” laugh? I mean one where you started and you couldn’t stop. The harder you tried to stop the more you laughed. When it was over, did you tell someone, “I needed that?” That’s what I’m talking about. I’m talking about slowing down, take the race out of life, looking around and finding the humor in a day of your life.
I am writing this while I am scooting across the sky on my way to Phoenix. The gentleman across the aisle had a frown on his face when he sat down and the look he gave me said, “I’m not a happy camper.” Well this lady and her husband took their seat in front of and across the aisle from him. It was like God was challenging his frown. First, they couldn’t decide who was going to take the window seat. Then, he put her bag in the overhead and she decided she needed something out of it. He took it down, she got what she needed and he put it back up. Five times he took it down and put it up. Each time asking her, “Do you have everything you need now?” Each time she would reply, “Yes!” Each time he had to take the bag down, he also have to take her cane out. Each time he touched the cane, you could see him gripping it tighter and tighter. I have a feeling I knew what he wanted to do with it!
I watched Mr. Frown as he watched this. At first, he just shook his head, then, he smiled a bit and finally, I could see the laughter that was happening inside him. He looked at me, shook his head and smiled that laughter smile. With that he leaned back in his seat, and I could see the difference in his presence. All because he found something to laugh about.
Laughter really is medicine for the soul!
Key # 4: Attitude
How important do you think attitude is to you being able to relax? Do you find the calmer your attitude, the easier it is for you to relax?
Attitude is very important to the ability to relax. The more negative your attitude is, the tighter you wind yourself. The tighter you wind yourself, the more stress you are going to collect. The more stress you collect, the tighter you continue to wind yourself. Now, do you think there is any relaxation is that process?
Attitude is a choice. You can chose to see the good and get the positive feelings that go with that, OR you can chose to see the bad and get the negative feelings that go with that. It is your choice!
Attitude is simply a visual demonstration of what is going on inside you. Watch your attitude and you will know your life!
When you are living seeking the good, you will be much more relaxed. A bad day is a stressful day; a good day is a manageable day. You really do choose which one you get.
Relaxation is easier with the right attitude!
Key # 5: X-Ray Question
Every event you life is handed has a pathway that goes with it. Every choice you make sends you down a path. If you chose the wrong path, you get a journey that keeps you emotionally upside down. When you chose the right path, you get the joy of the journey.
The difference between the right or wrong path is all about the choice you make!
Take me seriously here. You can walk the right path simply my mastering one question. Before you make any decision, pause, take a deep breath and ask yourself, will this feed my confusion or strengthen my clarity?
If the answer is “confusion,” it is the wrong path for you. To walk that path means you are collecting all the stress that will travel with you going down that path.
When you chose the “clarity” path, you get the calmness that goes with that choice. On the “clarity” path, you can relax in knowing you moving forward in your life.
Life really is that simple! That one question really will show you the right answer. The right path will help you relax!
ISN’T IT TIME YOU WORKED ON CALMING YOUR LIFE DOWN AND LEARNING TO RELAX AND ENJOY THE GIFTS OF YOUR DAY?
IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY 22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!
http://youtu.be/7C6Pi_Dd_wY
YOU’LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!
365 ways to relax mind, body, and soul
Day 22- shed your scarlet letter
Today was all about shedding your scarlet letter, or rather a shameful memory. This one was hard and left me in tears. I shed reasons why I cut and why I don’t eat often and why I don’t hang out with boys alone. My boyfriend listened the whole time though and was very supportive. It sort of made me feel better, and yet I still feel sad bringing up these twisted and disturbing thoughts and memories.
Day 21- a magical drink
3 tablespoons of chocolate/carmel sauce
1/3 cup of milk
2/3 cup of seltzer
1/3 cup of milk
2/3 cup of seltzer
Eh… It was okay. It wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t amazing. But I mean I would try it. I think some people will like it better than others. It was like a sparkling milkshake if that makes sense. It didn’t really relax my mind, body, and soul though.
Day 20- sing your own song
I must admit, the first few hours I was doing this were awkward. Today you were supposed to sing your own song to keep calm. I sang it today for my first 3 classes, study hall, and lunch because I didn’t have the book we were supposed to have read the first chapter of for class today… And the class was right after lunch. I was totally freaking out because my principal teaches the class and by no means did I want to get on his bad side. So I tried my hardest to keep that thought out of my mind and I hummed instead. The song I chose was ‘The Show’ by Lenka. It kept me up beat and positive. And during class, we didn’t even discus the chapter we were supposed to have read. It was a pretty good day and humming that song definitely helped. I most definitely think that humming your own song helps relax mind, body, and soul.
Day 19- wake up to the sunshine
Last night, I opened my curtains so that this morning, the light would shine in. Unfortunately, it was a cloudy morning, but it was still somewhat bright. I have mixed feelings about this one. It slightly creeps me out thinking that someone could look into my window and see me sleeping. But overall, I think by keeping your curtains open to let the light in is a good way to start your day. Even when it’s cloudy, it’s still nice to see what the weather is like to plan the rest of your day. So yes, keeping the curtains open and letting the sun pour in is a good start to your day and relaxes mind, body, and soul.
Day 18- plan a celebration
Well I planned a celebration today. No one showed up. Not my boyfriend, or best friend… Not even my mom showed up. It was rather sad and pathetic. So I went back to that youth group that I went to the day I wrote my own horoscope. I decided to party with Jesus. But that bothered me terribly because the person in charge was telling me exactly what her religion believed and I strongly disagreed. I didn’t like today…
Day 17- eat dessert first
I hated this one. I hate dessert, first of all, and by eating it first, I barely had any of my real food. I felt like a total fatty. So I mean if you like dessert then I suppose it would be good. If you don’t like real food then it could be good. But for health-aholics like me, it isn’t my cup of tea. This did not relax my mind, body, or soul.
Day 16- mind movies
Today I didn’t actually watch movies. I just visualized peaceful pictures in my head. Now, this isn’t the first tIme I’ve done this. Whenever I’m sad, scared, or angry, I go to the same place in my head. I have this vision in my head of a favorite spot that I go to. I won’t describe it and I would hope you wouldn’t describe yours to anyone else either because it’s personal and it’s your place to relax, not theirs.
I remember that there was a period of time where I would picture myself running as opposed to this peaceful spot. I thought it would be better to keep running than to stop long enough for things to catch up. Now I know that I must stop. I must go to that peaceful place because if you keep running, you get tired. And you can’t really take time to see the world and what it has to offer.
I prefer to picture myself in a peaceful “mind movie” as opposed to running. And you can be anywhere; in the woods, in a car, in a room or specific place. I believe picturing yourself in a safe, happy environment relaxes mind, body, and soul.
Day 15- hand massage
Yes, today I gave myself a hand massage. What is that, you may ask?
Using the thumb and index finger of your left hand, squeeze each finger on your right hand, one by one. Make rolling movements from your knuckles to your fingertips. Gently pull each finger and then switch hands.
Well…. It definitely made me feel really awkward. I think if someone else had done it for me, it would have been good. And my left hand is significantly weaker than my right (since my accident) so it didn’t feel that good on my right hand. It felt better on my left. I mean it was okay… But I think after a long day, you should have someone give you a foot massage instead. So to me, a hand massage didn’t relax mind, body, or soul.
Day 14- relaxing words
I’m still recovering from surgery so this will be short. I made a list of relaxing words and every time I look at them, I feel happy. Ex: apples, sunshine. Do it. It’s cool. Have fun. Be creative.making lists of relaxing words helps relax mind, body, and soul.
Day 13- schedule a worry session
Today was Friday the 13th, so obviously there was a lot to worry about. So for today, I just took some time while driving to my surgery to worry. I worried about my surgery, about Friday the 13th, and the final exams I had yesterday. And the rest of the day, I didn’t worry. It seemed to work so yes it relaxes mind, body, and soul. (so sorry this one is so short. I only got out a surgery a few hours ago and I feel sick).
Day 12- gazpacho
First off, sorry for the depressing note earlier. But i felt like it had to be said. Some people put really graphic stuff on tumblr and i don’t want to see that when i log in. I shouldn’t have followed them in the first place but still…
Okay but seriously, this was impossible to find. Gazpacho is just cold soup and, according to the book, is a satisfying summer fare. But Sendix and Pick N Save didn’t have it so I gave up. I am not doing good with this blog so far. It is almost impossible to do everyday exactly as planned.
But the point of today was to not cook and instead relax with something cold. I couldn’t find gazpacho even though I drove all around town and went to several different grocery stores… All during a blizzard. No joke, I think it has snowed like 4 inches already and I think it’s still snowing actually… Anyways, I substituted gazpacho with ice cream. I didn’t have to cook it and it was cold so it was kind of like gazpacho… Right?
Bottom line is that it was delicious. Even in the middle of winter, it was good. It brought a smile to my face and reminded me of summer. I had butter pecan, one of my favorites. Unusual to have in the winter, yes, but it didn’t take away from the fact that it was delicious. So yes, gazpacho (or ice cream) relaxes mind, body, and soul.
Sorry…
I’m not afraid of cutters. I’m not afraid of their blood or their tears. I’m not afraid of the ones who hide it by wearing long sleeve shirts, even in the summer, so they don’t draw attention to themselves. And I’m not afraid of the ones who wear them proudly to show the battles they’ve won and the method they used to survive. I’m afraid of the fact that people CAN be that sad. It scares me to know that people suffer so much that they carve their pain into their skin so that it’s not just in their head any more. That way, people will understand the open wound and how that hurts, whereas they would never be able to understand pain if one kept it in their hearts. I understand cutters… And it scares me to know why I understand.
So I’m sorry I unfollowed many of the you who I recently followed. I’m too afraid. I don’t like seeing the pictures you post of people cutting. Sometimes pain is so beautiful that you must look away in fear of seeing too much. I really am sorry.
Day 11- write your own horoscope
I liked this one because you literally wrote your own horoscope and lived your day according to that. It gave me a lot to look forward to. I wrote down this morning to “live your day like it’s your last”. Cliche, I know, but I truly believe my day was better because of it. I should have been studying all day, I know, but because I was living my day like it was my last, I did things I wouldn’t normally do. I broke my diet by eating breads and foods high in fat, I showed up to my boyfriends house uninvited (which he really liked, by the way), and I went to a youth group meeting at a church other than my own. The youth group meeting at a fundamentalist Christian church was really interesting. I thought they were going to brainwash me and try making me convert (considering I’m catholic) but instead they were just trying to give a message of hope and love. It was a really good day today. Writing your own horoscope helps to improve your day.
Day 10- postpone procrastination
I failed miserably at this. I completely procrastinated. I kept telling myself ‘I’m going to study now. I’m going to study now’ and then mysteriously more important things showed up. Trying not to procrastinate was more stressful than procrastinating itself. And I’m a pro at procrastinating. Even though I barely studied, I’ll study tomorrow and will still probably get an A on my final exams. And yet, I didn’t procrastinate on finishing my final paper. I finished that right away and turned it in yesterday, which was two days before it was due. It was really nice not to have to worry about it any further. So yes, overall I would say not procrastinating is a good way to relax mind, body, and soul as long as your not stressing over the fact of not procrastinating.
Day 9- aroma therapy
This one was probably one of the easiest ones in the book. All you had to do was get a candle with a soothing scent. I chose one that smelled like a relaxing day at the ocean. I’m not sure how to describe that scent but the candle I picked out smelled exactly like that.
This candle made me think of the first time I saw the ocean. I was about 12 and I was incredibly depressed. Even though we were in Florida I was still sad. But when I got to the ocean and saw how beautiful and massive it was, how high the waves were and how blue the water was, I was happy. I was so happy that I nearly broke down crying. Seeing the ocean made me believe in God for a moment.
I once read somewhere that faith was like the land on the other side of the ocean. You can’t see it, but you know it’s there. This thought came into my mind when I opened the lid to that candle and I bought it immediately. Candles are just such good ways to relax and be happy. Now, you don’t have to go out and buy a candle but I did just because you can never ever have enough candles. Yes, I believe aroma therapy helps relax mind, body, and soul.
Day 8- bath and shower
I admit, I didn’t do this as directed. The whole point of this one was to take a bath and then a shower. But the bathroom that had a bath and shower all in one looked completely morbid. So I just took a bath in a different bathroom and skipped the shower. For the bath, it called for two cups of Epsom salts. Naturally, the bath was relaxing but the Epsom salts didn’t seem to do much to enhance it. In fact, it irritated the scars that are still sensitive from my accident. So I will not be using the Epsom salt ever again. But the bath was very relaxing. But as the book directs, this method of relaxing is not as good as just a regular bath, at least for me. But I would recommend trying it. It might work differently for you.
Day 7- aerobics
For my aerobic activity, I chose to do Pilates. I did a class at Mindful Movement in West Bend early this morning. I love yoga but I had never taken the Pilates class there before so if was a great new experience. I’m pleased to say I loved it. It was hard, no doubt, but very rewarding. We did many different stretches and exercises including a stretch that i did earlier in my blog to relax, the cat stretch. It most definitely relaxed my mind, body, and soul and I would highly suggest trying it for yourself.
If any of you guys would like to sign up for a class, just go towww.mymindfulmovement.com OR call (262) 290-3019
Day 6- waiting enhancer
Today was just a terrible terrible day. I got laid off and am now unemployed. So what am I waiting for? Good news? A call? No. Not yet. Today I’m just waiting to see what people will think of using a waiting enhancer.
A waiting enhancer is simply a tool used to make time go by pleasantly. The book calls for a paper back novel or a magazine but I find that you can’t really get into a good book or a good article while only waiting for a class to start. So I used my iPod. In between classes, waiting for my ride home, and any period of time where I was just waiting for the next thing to happen, I was listening to my iPod. It made time go by quickly. I believe that having a waiting enhancer, whether it be a book or an iPod, is a great way to stay patient and calm while waiting for the next challenge to begin.
Day 5- carry an umbrella
Well carrying an umbrella in January in Wisconsin gives you some strange looks but it was sure funny. I carried it everywhere from my house, to school, to the library, and then I lost it somehow and I could carry it no more. I thought it was kind of pointless, but I could see why it might make people feel more secure and less worried about not being prepared. I don’t think you need to only carry an umbrella to be prepared. You could carry band aides or blankets with you instead. I didn’t feel prepared by carrying an umbrella but I’m sure I would by carrying something else to take the stress away from worrying. So no, carrying an umbrella didn’t relax my mind, body, or soul, but I’m sure carrying something that I would actually need would.
Day 4- go retro
So today I went retro by listening to some old vinyl records. Now, the problem wasn’t finding the records considering the I had all the albums hanging up on my wall. You see, when I was up north at my grandparents cabin, I found a closet full of old records. I thought the art work was cool so I asked if I could have them and they said yes. So, with that, I took about 50 albums and hung them up, with their records still in it, on my wall.
The problem was finding a record player. There were none to be found. I didn’t want to go buy one. I knew I would only be using it for today so there was no reason to invest. I asked around but no one knew of anyone who had one.
Finally I thought of one person, but we weren’t on the best terms. Even so, I called her and simply asked if I could use her record player. That phone call, intending to only be 5 minutes long, lasted for 69 minutes and 19 seconds (according to my phone). We talked about everything, but in the end, she said I could come over and use her record player.
Listening to the albums was hilarious. They were scratched and completely covered in dust so they sounded a lot different then what I was used to. It was scratchy and skipped and the voices sounded lower or higher than in real life. And at first the music was going too slow and then too fast. But it was really cool listening to music how my mom and grandparents used to.
The girl and I also started talking and sharing stories of what the other missed when we weren’t talking. It was really funny how music brought us together and we became friends again.
In conclusion, I thought this was a great way to relax. I would suggest, though, to do it with a friend. Its more fun that way. I’m sure it would be good alone too but it was nice listening to our favorite oldies songs and showing each other good ones we haven’t heard… Together. Figuring it out was a bit confusing as well but with both of us there, it was funny, not stressful. It’s a great way to get together and have a good time. So yes, going retro relaxes you mind, body, and soul.
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Day 3- clean out the clutter
Well, to be quite honest, I hated this one. For cleaning out the clutter, I had to clean my room, which was in a terrible state. The day didn’t start out good in the first place, considering it was the first day back at school after winter break, and then I had to clean my disaster of a room which took forever! My boyfriend did help though which made it go by a bit faster. I made him vacuum and such. I spent hours on my room and it still isn’t finished. I didn’t like cleaning out the clutter because there was always MORE clutter once I was finished. In my room alone I had shelves to clean, books to put away, garbage to pick up, and other tedious jobs. I think maybe if my day wouldn’t have been so dreary and if I had more time and actually finished cleaning and saw the finished product, then MAYBE I would feel accomplished. So no, cleaning out the clutter did not help relax my mind, body, and soul.
Day 2- the cat stretch
Don’t be alarmed but I have skipped two pages in the book. This is because I did not have the right tools to do those at the moment. I will be going back and performing those in a few days so don’t worry!
Anyways, today I did a very simple task, a yoga move called the cat stretch (though my fantastic yoga teacher has called that particular move a different name). It literally took less than five minutes so you have no excuse to not try it. The instructions for this task are simple.
1. Get down on all fours with your hands directly under your shoulders and your knees right under your hips (table position)
2. Breathe out, slowly rounding your back up and gently dropping your chin to your chest. Continue to breathe and hold the position for a count of 5
3. Breathe in, raising your head and slowly uncurling so that your back is slightly arched and you are looking straight ahead. Hold for the count of 5.
4. Repeat 5 times (or more, whatever floats your boat)
This stretch actually made me feel great. It isn’t hard but it’s very effective. It releases much of the tension in your body. And the great thing about the stretch (and with yoga in general) it also helps relieve mental stress and anxiety. I find the doing yoga helps improve my mood along with flexibility and strength. So yes, this does help improve your mind, body, and soul.
Day 1- express your creativity
Expressing your creativity, I have found, is a great way to feel better and bring up wonderful childhood memories. I did this by purchasing a princess coloring book like the one I had when I was a kid. I still have trouble coloring inside the lines and I forgot to switch the colors but it was still quite enjoyable. I admit, though, I did forget what colors some of the princesses dresses were and what Prince Charming’s hair looked like but that did not take away from the fun of coloring.
It reminded me of when I was about 5 or 6 when I had the dream of becoming an artist. I worked so hard on coloring exactly what I saw and using the exact same colors, even though I only had an 8 pack of crayons to choose from. It was a happy memory of a time when the hardest decision i had was choosing what crayon to use or what color paper would be the best for that particular project.
Coloring in a coloring book is a great way to take away from the mental stress and exhausting routine I and many others feel every day. So yes, expressing your creativity helps relax your mind, body, and soul.
365 ways to relax mind, body, & soul
I will not go into my life story in this blog nor will I tell you all the unfortunate events in my life. Simply, I will be making this blog in an attempt to discuss and try all the methods used in the book ‘365 Ways To Relax Mind, Body, and Soul’ by Barbara L. Heller to improve my physical and mental well being. I will be discussing if they indeed work or, rather, they are pointless wastes of time. I will be going over one every day for 365 days. So enjoy!
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